SUBTITLE: EXTRA DARK, EXTRA SHARP, NO SLEEP TILL RETIREMENT
ROAST LEVEL: Dark (As dark as the humor at a 0200 guard mount). FLAVOR PROFILE: Double Dutch Cocoa, Roasted Espresso, and the sweet, sweet victory of a "Not Service Connected" appeal.
PRODUCT DESCRIPTION:
Look, we know you usually take your coffee like your combat boots—black, dusty, and full of regret. But sometimes, even the grittiest Grunt needs a tactical sugar rush to get through a 12-hour shift of civilian nonsense.
The Midnight Watch Mocha is loaded with enough Double Chocolate to satisfy your sweet tooth and enough caffeine to make you see in IR without the NODs. It’s the ultimate "comfort item" for when you’re stuck in the "Sandbox" of a corporate office and the AC is set to "Slightly Humid."
OPERATIONAL NOTES:
THE "COCOA" COVER: It tastes like a dessert, but hits like a .50 cal. Don't let the chocolate fool you; this isn't your kid's Yoo-hoo.
MRE UPGRADE: Think of it as the "Chocolate Dairy Shake" powder from the MRE bag, but actually edible and without the side effect of not being able to use the latrine for three weeks.
WARNING: Consumption may lead to increased "Storytelling" (exaggerating your MOS duties), sudden "Knife-Handing" of the barista, and an uncontrollable urge to tell everyone within a 50-mile radius that you "Almost joined the Marines."
